I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she peed on how many people?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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