well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
