I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
