Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
