do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
