I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
