Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
