Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
