I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
