I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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