i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
