Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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