I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
