omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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