I wish life had little blips of pornography
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
