Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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