Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
