I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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