she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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