Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
