One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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