Screwed.edu
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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