Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
