Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
