He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
