I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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