after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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