also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
