I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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