So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
