just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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