Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
