he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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