I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
