I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
