I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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