a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
