Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do vagina's smell?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
being pregnant is like rehab
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
