kristin has been a bad kristin
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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