You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
