There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
