Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
