I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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