why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
