im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
