Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
