you would pick up someone in the library
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
