I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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