my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
