My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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