You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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