What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
even my farts smell like vagina
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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