just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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