you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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