8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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