foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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