i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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