I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize