You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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