So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
