Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
