Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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