they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
