WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
