I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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