I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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