69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
