You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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