in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
