in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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