apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
