i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
