Im at strip club and am horny
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
