this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
